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Welcome to the Tweens!
How often do you hear, "I'm too old for this"? And how often do you think, "But you're too young for that!”
Welcome to the Tweens: a generation of fashion-conscious, fad-loving, filled-with-attitude youth. You thought angst was a teenage phenomenon. Your 12-year-old is so moody, he begs for attention one minute, and then pretends you don't exist the next. You want to keep your 10-year-old in pigtails, but she tells you belly shirts are the bomb.
It's a constant struggle: the desire for independence versus the need for boundaries.
How to Handle the Tweens
Be positive about school. Talk to your children about the good things that happen at school. Tell them about your positive experiences. Set the expectation that education is important and that your children need school. They should be made aware of your expectation as early as possible. And don’t forget to visit the school to talk to teachers and counselors.
Be understanding when they tell you about their frustrations. Expect your children to feel some stress related to subjects, tests, peers, assignments, and even teachers. Express your frustrations and show them positive ways to work through them.
Be a good listener. Sometimes all they want is for you to hear about what their day was like and what’s going on in their lives. Be supportive and attentive.
Encourage your child in their hobbies and activities outside of school. Support their efforts as they grow and mature, but make sure that you explain age-appropriate behavior, dress and endeavors. Let them experiment within the boundaries and limits that you, the parent, sets.
A Job Well Done!
Everyone appreciates receiving praise. For children, it’s the key to healthy emotions. Praise is also a powerful motivator.
If you consistently use praise with your children, you can expect dramatic improvements in their behavior over time. When you zero in on as many positive things as you can, your kids will feel better about themselves. The positive attention also makes them feel cared for and loved.
Effective Praise is more powerful than general praise, which is usually a simple comment such as “Fantastic” or “Great.”
Effective Praise involves three steps:
Showing your approval
Describing the positive
Giving a reason
Step 1 involves using words and actions to express your satisfaction. For example, saying “Amazing!” while giving your child a thumbs-up or a hug adds excitement to the moment. You are showing how pleased you are with what your child is doing. In turn, your child becomes more satisfied with himself or herself.
Step 2 involves making sure your child understands exactly what he or she did to deserve your praise. Praise what you saw or heard. This will motivate your child to repeat the behavior. For example, you could say, “Sarah, thanks for cleaning the dishes and helping me put the leftovers away.” Comments that are brief and to the point help with understanding.
Step 3 involves linking the relationship between the child’s behavior and the consequences or outcomes. Here are a couple of examples:
“If you do your homework right after school, you’ll have more time to play outside.”
“When you’re home on time, I will trust you more and probably will let you go out more often.”
Peer Pressure
Tweens are trying to develop social skills, as their peers become more important to them and as they try to discover who they are. It is only natural for anyone to listen and learn from others in their age group. Offer advise on how to interact and explain that these are life-long skills that you use every day. Make sure you model these behaviors for your child, too.
And don’t get upset when you find that these peers are more important and have more influence than you do. Monitor who the peers are. Talk about what the peers think. Give reasons for your value system and try to find out what the values of peers and other families are. Encourage your child to choose similar friends.
Parenting Tips
Always know where your child is and who he or she is with.
Never spank a child or use other forms of physical punishment.
Criticize your child’s behavior, but not your child.
Every time you give your child a consequence for misbehavior, give opportunities to earn your praise or a reward.
Let consequences be appropriate. A child who stays on the phone too long should have phone restrictions. A child with a messy room should be grounded only until the room is cleaned.
Never ground a child for more than a few days. You’ll probably forget to enforce it.
Teach your child to shake hands.
Teach your child how to start a conversation with a new peer.
When tempers flare, take time out. Have a hand signal established to end an argument. Address the issue later.
Allow your child to disagree with you and voice an opinion, but do not let a child sass you.
Compare notes and get tips from other parents of tweens.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Let your child choose a hair style.
Discuss age-appropriate grooming, dress and behavior. Let them know that some of their wishes will be granted when they are older.
Give your child one day notice, then check his or her Internet activity or Internet space.
Google your child’s name.
Discuss inappropriate behavior of other adults.

21st Century Community Learning Centers of Elmore County Public Schools
Eclectic Middle School Site Director: La’Tresia Robinson 170 South Ann Street Eclectic, AL 36024 334-541-2131
Holtville Middle School Site Director: Amy Stewart 655 Bulldog Lane Deatsville, AL 36022 334-569-1596
Millbrook Middle-Junior High School Site Director: Ayena Jackson 4228 Chapman Road Millbrook, AL 36054 334-285-2100
Wetumpka Middle School Site Director: Ewell Fuller 1000 Micanopy Street Wetumpka, AL 36092 334-567-1413
21 CCLC Project Office Project Administrator: Carol Kelly ECTC - 800 Kelly Fitzpatrick Drive PO Box 817 Wetumpka, AL 36092 334-399-4013
The 21st Century Community Learning Centers (21CCLC) initiative is the only federal funding source dedicated exclusively to after school programs. An initiative of the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND act, the 21CCLC programs of Alabama are supervised and administered by the Federal Programs department of the Alabama State Department of Education.

05

It’s Apparent!

Welcome to the
TWEENS!

Elmore County 21st Century Community Leaning Center Parenting Tips #05